A Teacher's Memories

So many people have asked me how I could teach because it had to be one of the most boring job in the world.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Students are a constant source of laughter.  Here are just a few humor moments that happened to me.

A high functioning third grade student with autism asked me "Why did Benedict Arnold betray our country?"  I asked, "Would you like for me to bring you some information on it?"  "Yes, please."  The following day I downloaded some information and printed it for the student.  The next day she walked up to me and asked, "Who was Lizzie Borden?"  I said, "You don't need to know about Lizzie Borden.  Go play."  There are only so many questions I am willing to answer.

When I was all of 38 years old, a six year old student was walking to her class, stopped in the hallway, looked up at me and said, "I hope I'm as pretty as you when I get old."  I replied, "Well you were doing very well until those last three words."  

I walked into my first grade class and a student immediately noticed my fresh haircut.  "Did you get a haircut?"  "Yes, I did."  "Well it looks better."  Wonder how bad it looked before.

I taught for a low economic district and we at times received less than premium equipment.  This was the case with my stapler.  The young children certainly couldn't work it, so I stapled all of the papers. One day as I was going desk to desk, stapling papers, a student was watching me push with all my might to make the stapler work.  He said, "Wow, you're really putting some weight on that."

One Mean Mama

I must confess that I was not the sweet mom that every kid hopes for.  I promise you I was never mistaken for June Cleaver or Donna Reed.  I held my kids accountable for their behavior and let them know when I disapproved.  Here are some things they said about me.

When my daughter's friend told her that his mom had found marijuana in his room and had flushed it down the toilet so his dad wouldn't find out, my daughter replied, "My mom would have flushed your face down after it."

My oldest son--5th grade at the time--sat at the lunch table and suddenly noticed that he was being watched by the teacher on duty.  He was a kid who always followed the rules, but became nervous under the teacher's watchful eye.  Finally the teacher walked over to him and said, "Why are you such a good kid?"  

My son replied, "Sir?"
 "Why don't you act like these other kids?"
"Well, Mr. Pipkin, I just enjoy living."
"You enjoy living?"
"If I acted like these other kids, my mama would kill me and I just enjoy living too much to act that way."

Frustrated with a student's performance, the teacher told him, "I wish you would just do your work.  I have to call your mother up her and tell her you're failing.  It's embarrassing when she's crying in the hallway."

My son spoke up and said, "If you called my mother up here and told her I was failing, she wouldn't be the one crying in the hallway."






When the same son was in high school, he was complaining about me to a friend and the teacher overheard it.

"Now Darrell, I met your mother and she is a very nice lady."

"Well, let's put it this way.  She got kicked out of the Marines for unnecessary roughness."