Headlines

The following are headlines which contain errors.  It was forwarded to  me.   I do not know where it originated.  Too funny.

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Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!  They put in a correction the next day. I just couldn't help but send these along. Too funny…!     Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says No crap, really? Ya think? Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Now that's taking things a bit far! Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over What a guy! Miners Refuse to Work after Death No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's! Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant See if that works any better than a fair trial! War Dims Hope for Peace I can see where it might have that effect! If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile Ya think?! Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures Who would have thought! Enfield (London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide They may be on to something! Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges You mean there's something stronger than duct tape? Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge He probably IS the battery charge! New Study of Obesity Looks for LargerTest Group Weren't they fat enough?! Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft That's what he gets for eating those beans! Kids Make Nutritious Snacks Do they taste like chicken?   Local High School DropoutsCut in Half Chainsaw Massacre all over again! Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors Boy, are they tall! And the winner is.... Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead Did I read that right? Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle). We all need a good laugh, at least once a day.

A Teacher's Memories

So many people have asked me how I could teach because it had to be one of the most boring job in the world.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Students are a constant source of laughter.  Here are just a few humor moments that happened to me.

A high functioning third grade student with autism asked me "Why did Benedict Arnold betray our country?"  I asked, "Would you like for me to bring you some information on it?"  "Yes, please."  The following day I downloaded some information and printed it for the student.  The next day she walked up to me and asked, "Who was Lizzie Borden?"  I said, "You don't need to know about Lizzie Borden.  Go play."  There are only so many questions I am willing to answer.

When I was all of 38 years old, a six year old student was walking to her class, stopped in the hallway, looked up at me and said, "I hope I'm as pretty as you when I get old."  I replied, "Well you were doing very well until those last three words."  

I walked into my first grade class and a student immediately noticed my fresh haircut.  "Did you get a haircut?"  "Yes, I did."  "Well it looks better."  Wonder how bad it looked before.

I taught for a low economic district and we at times received less than premium equipment.  This was the case with my stapler.  The young children certainly couldn't work it, so I stapled all of the papers. One day as I was going desk to desk, stapling papers, a student was watching me push with all my might to make the stapler work.  He said, "Wow, you're really putting some weight on that."

One Mean Mama

I must confess that I was not the sweet mom that every kid hopes for.  I promise you I was never mistaken for June Cleaver or Donna Reed.  I held my kids accountable for their behavior and let them know when I disapproved.  Here are some things they said about me.

When my daughter's friend told her that his mom had found marijuana in his room and had flushed it down the toilet so his dad wouldn't find out, my daughter replied, "My mom would have flushed your face down after it."

My oldest son--5th grade at the time--sat at the lunch table and suddenly noticed that he was being watched by the teacher on duty.  He was a kid who always followed the rules, but became nervous under the teacher's watchful eye.  Finally the teacher walked over to him and said, "Why are you such a good kid?"  

My son replied, "Sir?"
 "Why don't you act like these other kids?"
"Well, Mr. Pipkin, I just enjoy living."
"You enjoy living?"
"If I acted like these other kids, my mama would kill me and I just enjoy living too much to act that way."

Frustrated with a student's performance, the teacher told him, "I wish you would just do your work.  I have to call your mother up her and tell her you're failing.  It's embarrassing when she's crying in the hallway."

My son spoke up and said, "If you called my mother up here and told her I was failing, she wouldn't be the one crying in the hallway."






When the same son was in high school, he was complaining about me to a friend and the teacher overheard it.

"Now Darrell, I met your mother and she is a very nice lady."

"Well, let's put it this way.  She got kicked out of the Marines for unnecessary roughness."